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I chatted with a guy friend of mine for a few hours yesterday night. I really enjoyed chatting with him, like always. I don't know why we can talk non-stop forever, it seems like we have never run out of topic to share with each other. However I was kind of sad when he told me he won’t treat me this nice and that we won’t be this close if he has a girlfriend. I told him not to do that, and said he must treat me like how he treats me now or even better, but he didn’t want to promise me. So bad! I know it is not possible for him to be still so nice to me when he has someone to dote on, but I just can’t help feeling sad. I don't know why I am so selfish either, just didn’t feel good hearing that, I am unreasonable, to him.
Next, we rambled on some 'adult issues' which are those perhaps I won't tell anyone except him. It is just too personal for me to share, but I was comfortable telling him. He also asked me some questions which I would have felt disgusted if they were to be asked by other guys. However, when he asked me I thought it was fun and I could accept the degree of the content. Somehow I felt a stream of sweetness building within, upon hearing what he said. Perhaps he didn’t know and I don’t intend to tell him either, that I have this mini Kathy living within me, controlling me recently. Also by talking to him, I know I was loved and cherished by someone out there. Thank you! Trying.
The phone call lasted from 12am to 4am. I thought I would feel exhausted this morning when I wake up but I wasn't. Perhaps it’s really like what he mentioned, we enjoyed talking to each other, and I hope this habit can continue till we age.
Today then I lied to him that I will be getting married once I graduate. Then he said he was extremely sad and said don't want to talk to me. I was a little bit sad and also think he was ridiculous so I also didn't talk to him. Then as expected, he talked to me again within less than 30 minutes thereafter. But I was glad that he did that, I smiled when he text-ed me saying he was out for lunch! Total like a little kid, a cute one (:
I told him before that I am getting more reliant on him, which to me is a bad habit. I hope that he can show lesser care and concern on me so I won't always look up for him whenever things happen. He said it is alright, but I don't think so and I don't want to cultivate this bad habit too. By all means, I will kick off this when I reach Singapore, it is too sinful and hurtful for me and to him respectively.
Though I had my promise to him that I will not ignore him for the rest of my life, and he will always be my dearest friend. I will not forgive myself if I lose such a good friend of mine, as fate is hard to come by. However, our current relationship is a little bit beyond friendship I guess, this is not right. I don't want to hold him back and I also don't think he deserve this for he is a nice guy, and I really wish that he can meet the girl whom only belongs solely to him. Rejected him N times and he jolly well knows how I feel towards him, close friend and nothing beyond that. However, he still doesn't want to give up, I really don’t know what can I do? Please advize, silly-boy!
Jiayou hpy (:
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
It was heartbreaking when you tried to help yet the intention was misunderstood.Just had an sumptuous feast at Shanghai One with colleagues.However, on the way home had a little argument with him.I though by correcting him I can help to improve his grammar somehow.Well, obviously he took it as I was looking down on him.He thinks that I am looking for a boyfriend who must have a good command of English, but I am not!I just don't like his attitude.
Now I am too tired to explain things.But I think he really loves me a lot, as he told me that the one sentence from me hurts 1000 times more than if the same sentence were said by others.Also he mentioned that in me, he sees only my good points as they far outweigh my short comings.I was rather elated to hear that, hao xing fu.THANK YOU!
Sunday, May 06, 2012
Right at this moment, I need you badly.
Text-ed you, but deleted again before sending out because you have your own problem to settle.
I don't want to add on to your burden, and hope that you are crying lesser now.
Girl, please recover from your down moment soon so that we can chit chat as usual.
Love you always <3
Tuesday, May 01, 2012
Happy Labour Day to all!
Went to Suzhou with Yiwen from 28 to 29 April.
Spent RMB 700 plus thought I bought nothing much :(
But it doesn't matter as we had enjoyed ourselves shopping there, love the impromptu changes of itinerary and the freedom we had.
(:
* 1 month *