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To my Dearest Boy,
I am sorry for what had happened; didn't mean to make him sad again.
I shouldn't have scolded him, I shouldn't have blamed him for showing care and consent in me.
My bad, sorry!
To the other friend, I am sorry that I wasn't there to comfort when you needed me the most.
I hope you are better now.
Cheers.
Monday, July 23, 2012
I was rather melancholy the whole day which began with the
texts I exchanged with Mr Elgin. My mood swan up and down. My mind then started to run wild and I have
decided on certain things regarding my own relationship problem. I didn’t know
what the best solution out of all is, but I just hope that none will be hurt by
me, or at least to the bare minimum.
During my lunch today, I told zyang inadvertently that I find
it a need to cut down meeting-ups with him. However before I could finish my
lines, he grabbed his phone and wallet and dashed out of the building. I was
shocked and frightened by his action. I ran after him but he refused me to
follow and chased me back. I told him I will cry if he does that, I really
will. Thank God he allowed me to walk him to the usual bus stop. On the way we didn’t
talk much except that he tried to tell me something but I covered my ears on
purpose so couldn’t really hear them. Before I reached my office, he texted and
called me. I knew he wanted to apologize but I just felt hurt that he treated
me in that harsh and ungentleman way. I was disappointed, I wanted to ignore
him! However, all the agony disappeared when I read his two long long texts
confiding in me how he felt at that moment. I knew I was at fault. I replied
him and we exchanged a few more messages, then I felt so bad and guilty that I
rang him, wanted to say sorry to him. However he kept solemnly over the line
which withheld me from doing so and I was at a loss of words. Furthermore, my egoistic self resulted in me from
abjuring my errors. I hang up the phone and texted him “SORRY”. I really really
didn’t mean to hurt him. I didn’t know what I should do so that I won’t hurt both
of the nicest-guys-in-the-universes.
Luckily with our strong friendship bond, we soon reconciled
and we went home together after work. On the bus to Tiong Bahru MRT, I offered
zyang some sweets and he ate all. Then I joked that how can he eat all without
saving some for me!? He told me, “I don’t want to treat you so nicely next
time, so that you won’t take me for granted!” It was a heart-wrenching moment
for me, I muffled an “oh” then turned my head to the window and tears started
to roll down my cheek. I knew he was joking, I swear I really knew. However I
just cannot control myself and my own tears. I am useless, I admit, but it was
all because I care a lot for my best friend. I don’t want him to think that I
take him for granted, as I didn’t and I will never do. Needless to say, he was
super guilty and shocked to see me crying over that unintentional sentence. He
told me he was joking so that we won’t be so awkward. I knew but just didn’t
want to lower my pride to admit that. This is my bad habit, very very
unhealthy.
He then accompanied me to Chongpang to see dental. I was
glad that he was there as I had one tooth extracted! The process was gruesome
the moment I stepped into the dental. Then I grabbed his hands as tight as my
strength allowed me to. I was really very appreciative of him being there for
me, to help me ease my fear and pain mentally. THANK YOU!
Once again, I am sorry to result in you the blue Monday! It
is my fault, my utmost sincere apologies.
Friday, July 20, 2012
Sis was admitted to NUH yesterday morning, and after one
day, she had delivered a cute baby girl via C-Section. We received the piece of
good news at 2am this morning. However I was so scared that she has to cut her tummy to
deliver the baby till I cried and had to spend the rest of the night with my
mum. Nevertheless, the baby girl was such a
healthy and lovely newborn. She is given the name (tentatively) Shannon
Ong Yunxi, born on 20 July at 1.42am, weighs 3610grams.
Congrats to PY and YH and welcome Baby Shannon!
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
These few days I am a happy girl! I don’t know why but I just enjoy being with him. My life is meaningful now as my time is well spent. I love this though I have very little time to rest. However, I know someone is there to care for me and love me deeply. I am sorry if I cannot do anything to make you a happier person, however trust me, you are by far the only person whom I love the most!
Thursday, July 05, 2012
Everything was settled yesterday night, after listening to him speaking for an hour plus? I am glad he is better and he can accept it now. But I can't help feeling guilty still. My God, what can I do to hurt him to the minimum?
He said:
"don't ever be so nice to anyone in the further, you need to distinguish who are the ones you should treat differently";
"I know it is hard for us to go back to the past, however if you are willing, I can wait for the day where we can walk the future together";
"To me you are the perfect girl, I have not met anyone better than you in my whole life, I wish to treasure and dote on you using my life, but too bad, the choice doesn't lie in my hands now";
"I used to be the happy man as I have the whole world, now as you are leaving, I am left with nothing";
"Lastly, please find someone who loves you more than you love him, who will worry when you get home late, who will send you home whenever he can, who will dote on you more than I do, who can fulfil most of your dreams, who can ... like I do... and better looking than I am"...
He said he might be forsaking his studies and go England to seek for a job..
We were strolling home, and he began to sing the most melodious song for me,
Was desperately trying to know what's his favourite colour, favourite drink and dish, but I realize I didn't know anything. How cruel I am to him. He is one in a million, but I am being so hurtful, like what he said, his wound will never be healed.