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I chatted with a guy friend of mine for a few hours yesterday night. I really enjoyed chatting with him, like always. I don't know why we can talk non-stop forever, it seems like we have never run out of topic to share with each other. However I was kind of sad when he told me he won’t treat me this nice and that we won’t be this close if he has a girlfriend. I told him not to do that, and said he must treat me like how he treats me now or even better, but he didn’t want to promise me. So bad! I know it is not possible for him to be still so nice to me when he has someone to dote on, but I just can’t help feeling sad. I don't know why I am so selfish either, just didn’t feel good hearing that, I am unreasonable, to him.
Next, we rambled on some 'adult issues' which are those perhaps I won't tell anyone except him. It is just too personal for me to share, but I was comfortable telling him. He also asked me some questions which I would have felt disgusted if they were to be asked by other guys. However, when he asked me I thought it was fun and I could accept the degree of the content. Somehow I felt a stream of sweetness building within, upon hearing what he said. Perhaps he didn’t know and I don’t intend to tell him either, that I have this mini Kathy living within me, controlling me recently. Also by talking to him, I know I was loved and cherished by someone out there. Thank you! Trying.
The phone call lasted from 12am to 4am. I thought I would feel exhausted this morning when I wake up but I wasn't. Perhaps it’s really like what he mentioned, we enjoyed talking to each other, and I hope this habit can continue till we age.
Today then I lied to him that I will be getting married once I graduate. Then he said he was extremely sad and said don't want to talk to me. I was a little bit sad and also think he was ridiculous so I also didn't talk to him. Then as expected, he talked to me again within less than 30 minutes thereafter. But I was glad that he did that, I smiled when he text-ed me saying he was out for lunch! Total like a little kid, a cute one (:
I told him before that I am getting more reliant on him, which to me is a bad habit. I hope that he can show lesser care and concern on me so I won't always look up for him whenever things happen. He said it is alright, but I don't think so and I don't want to cultivate this bad habit too. By all means, I will kick off this when I reach Singapore, it is too sinful and hurtful for me and to him respectively.
Though I had my promise to him that I will not ignore him for the rest of my life, and he will always be my dearest friend. I will not forgive myself if I lose such a good friend of mine, as fate is hard to come by. However, our current relationship is a little bit beyond friendship I guess, this is not right. I don't want to hold him back and I also don't think he deserve this for he is a nice guy, and I really wish that he can meet the girl whom only belongs solely to him. Rejected him N times and he jolly well knows how I feel towards him, close friend and nothing beyond that. However, he still doesn't want to give up, I really don’t know what can I do? Please advize, silly-boy!
Jiayou hpy (: