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I was rather melancholy the whole day which began with the
texts I exchanged with Mr Elgin. My mood swan up and down. My mind then started to run wild and I have
decided on certain things regarding my own relationship problem. I didn’t know
what the best solution out of all is, but I just hope that none will be hurt by
me, or at least to the bare minimum.
During my lunch today, I told zyang inadvertently that I find
it a need to cut down meeting-ups with him. However before I could finish my
lines, he grabbed his phone and wallet and dashed out of the building. I was
shocked and frightened by his action. I ran after him but he refused me to
follow and chased me back. I told him I will cry if he does that, I really
will. Thank God he allowed me to walk him to the usual bus stop. On the way we didn’t
talk much except that he tried to tell me something but I covered my ears on
purpose so couldn’t really hear them. Before I reached my office, he texted and
called me. I knew he wanted to apologize but I just felt hurt that he treated
me in that harsh and ungentleman way. I was disappointed, I wanted to ignore
him! However, all the agony disappeared when I read his two long long texts
confiding in me how he felt at that moment. I knew I was at fault. I replied
him and we exchanged a few more messages, then I felt so bad and guilty that I
rang him, wanted to say sorry to him. However he kept solemnly over the line
which withheld me from doing so and I was at a loss of words. Furthermore, my egoistic self resulted in me from
abjuring my errors. I hang up the phone and texted him “SORRY”. I really really
didn’t mean to hurt him. I didn’t know what I should do so that I won’t hurt both
of the nicest-guys-in-the-universes.
Luckily with our strong friendship bond, we soon reconciled
and we went home together after work. On the bus to Tiong Bahru MRT, I offered
zyang some sweets and he ate all. Then I joked that how can he eat all without
saving some for me!? He told me, “I don’t want to treat you so nicely next
time, so that you won’t take me for granted!” It was a heart-wrenching moment
for me, I muffled an “oh” then turned my head to the window and tears started
to roll down my cheek. I knew he was joking, I swear I really knew. However I
just cannot control myself and my own tears. I am useless, I admit, but it was
all because I care a lot for my best friend. I don’t want him to think that I
take him for granted, as I didn’t and I will never do. Needless to say, he was
super guilty and shocked to see me crying over that unintentional sentence. He
told me he was joking so that we won’t be so awkward. I knew but just didn’t
want to lower my pride to admit that. This is my bad habit, very very
unhealthy.
He then accompanied me to Chongpang to see dental. I was
glad that he was there as I had one tooth extracted! The process was gruesome
the moment I stepped into the dental. Then I grabbed his hands as tight as my
strength allowed me to. I was really very appreciative of him being there for
me, to help me ease my fear and pain mentally. THANK YOU!
Once again, I am sorry to result in you the blue Monday! It
is my fault, my utmost sincere apologies.